71% Agree this poster is RIGHT | 514 Views
Sibling loyalty
Posted By: Little Sister
Category: General
FIGHT DETAIL
Back in high school, my older brother was best friends with my soccer coach. I looked up to my coach like he was another brother, and his opinion meant a lot to me. Soccer was really important to me and my coach told me that if I worked hard enough, he would make me captain of the team in my senior year. Well I worked super hard, never missed a practice or a match, helped the younger girls on the team, and made a lot of sacrifices for the sport. Nothing meant more to me than being captain and having an amazing senior year.
But at the end of my junior year, my coach -- after acknowledging that I was the most dedicated person on the team and one of the best players -- announced in front of the whole team that my "pros didn't outweigh my cons" and I wasn't a good leader figure for the team because I cried after a match once when I was PMSing, and a captain needed to be stronger than that. Well he not only crushed me and totally broke my heart, he humiliated me too. It got around the school and the teasing was so bad I had to quit the team and change schools.
Through all this, my brother maintained his friendship with my coach and never once defended me -- he wouldn't even talk to me about it. I eventually had to go into therapy and still have trust issues because I always feel like people will reject me if I show any emotion.
Now it's 8 years later, and my brother is getting married. He asked for my permission to invite my ex-coach to the small, intimate ceremony.
Well I told him "it's your wedding, do what you want, you don't need my permission," but that wasn't good enough. He is now angry with me because I won't smile and let bygones be bygone after all these years. Mind you I've never received an apology from either my brother or the coach (who was later fired from the school for sexual harassment).
Forgiveness is divine, but I can't help that I'm not over this yet. It should be enough for my brother that I'm willing to grin and bear it through the ceremony despite the presence of someone who damaged me. I shouldn't have to pretend all is forgiven when it still hurts.
So who's right, me or my brother?
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WRONG
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You're no leader
Posted By: jOhN
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Agreed with Previous poster, you have greater issues to deal with if you sought therapy and changed schools. Don't be upset that the coach identified your weaknesses early on.
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RIGHT
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Right - your brother is a horse's ass
Posted By: DFW genius
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I have a sister like this one. When she gets mad, it may be several years before we speak again. Over and over, I've ignored the behavior and taken up like nothing ever happened. But when she refused to send me a wedding gift (she's fantastically wealthy) after attending my wedding, then had the audacity to tell me she hadn't spoken to me often enough to offer any life advice, I'd had enough. After 40 years of what have you done for me lately, I decided what did I need that in my life for. It's been 2 years and I don't miss her at all.
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RIGHT
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What can I add?
Posted By: Yeah-right
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You're right - for reasons already stated by others. The coach sounded like a knob. I wonder how many others on the team he gve the same expectations to?
As for your brother, I'm always suspicious of people who stick by those who continually prove themselves less than savory. The fact that he feels this ex-cooach to still be one of his closest friends would be enough for me to say, "Have a Nice Wedding...Without me!". If this is the best "friend" material he can find, then it doesn't say very much about your brother...given the past history.
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RIGHT
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Sibling Rivalry grows up into Loyalty
Posted By: DC
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There are times when I have hated my brother, for good reason. I have forgiven him for those things, and our bond is tighter because of it. Your issue definitely shouldn't be ripping your family apart. Talk about it again with him. He obviously has influence on your enemy. Try to use this situation to get the issues settled. It would certainly help you out if you could let it go, one way or the other.
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RIGHT
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Family should always come first....
Posted By: me
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Your brother is an idiot... I would die for my siblings. They are the most important people in the world to me and no one could ever break that loyalty. Let him get married, let him have the idiot sex offender come to his wedding... but you tell him he is no brother if he even expects you to be happy about it. Tell him to find some reality.
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RIGHT
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You're all whacked in the head
Posted By: Opinionator
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Forget the whole PMS thing. This fight is about loyalty and respect. rule #1: A coach should never put down a player in public. Rule #2: If you're a teacher (high school coaches included) and you hurt one of your kid's feelings, you apologize. The brother thing tougher. You shouldn't force him to choose between you or one of his best friends.
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WRONG
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OMG
Posted By: usafcbcsgrl
Explain My Vote
I think you need to grow up. You needed counseling and had to change schools because people knew you were PMSing and you cried.
Wow don't know how you might actually make it through life as a functioning adult.
You have far bigger issues that who is or is not invited to your brothers wedding.
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