41% Agree this poster is RIGHT | 454 Views
Should daughter or Dad be the caller?
Posted By: Daughter across country
Category: Family Issue
FIGHT DETAIL
I live on the opposite coast that my family. My parents divorced just 5 years ago. Since their slip my dad has been on his own with remembering our birthdays and so forth, which he never does, but thats just dad. There has been so tension between my father and I for a long time. I think I make him uncomfortable because I do things differently than my Right Side of the Brain sisters. My dad hasn't called me in over a year. Actually longer but he does call on Christmas and my birthday and vice versa. I left him a message on his birthday and he never called me back. Its been like I said, over a year since he's called me.
I get there in probably some uncertainty on both our parts and discomfort with calling. However, I feel that I'm the daughter and I want my dad to be the one to make the effort. My sister keeps bugging me that I should call him and just let everything go. I don't feel like i'm holding on to anything, I dont' feel mad. I just think he's the dad and should act like it.
Am I being a brat or should my sister just butt out?
|
RIGHT
flag post
I THINK IT SHOULD GO BOTH WAYS
Posted By:
Explain My Vote
our story sound almost the same...my dad used to call me, but he doesnt anymore. He is really stubborn and so am I. I have trouble calling him too. I try to call him for every holiday...Including his birhtday. He doenst call me on my birthday! How can a dad forget his daughter he brought into this world. The older i get im starting to relize! I was young and into my friends and didnt want to go with him every other weekend, I had to do that unitil i was eighteen. I hated that i had to sleep in the same room with hIM and his wife till i was eighteen beacause he lived in a studio. That was torture to me!when i was little he would drink and drive with me in the car! And was always on house arrest because of his alchol addiction everyday! I think thats why i barely call him. I do need to forgive though. What also drives me crazy is he lives right next to mommy in her back yard! hes been doing this for years since i could remember. Its like grow up and move away from mommy! He tells me sometimes "if i wanted to I can buy a really nice house" but hes attached to mommy and hes 56 years old! Anyways Hes getting older and i dont want to be like this any more. I think I'm goign to have to be the better person and call! He is at falt and so am I. IT shouldnt go one way it should go both. just be the better person and call. I know it sucks to go through this and you r not the only person who goes tHrough this. take care.
|
RIGHT
flag post
jhj
Posted By: hh
Explain My Vote
h
|
RIGHT
flag post
you both should keep in touch!
Posted By:
Explain My Vote
No Comment
|
WRONG
flag post
Call your father!!!
Posted By: MoMo
Explain My Vote
I'm not an expert on divorces, but I can certainly identify with many of the other posts who suggested that you call your father. Father's, like mother's are just as human and have emotions, feelings, busy schedules and 'lives' to live. It's sad that you speak to your father on such few occasions throughout the year. I had a similar situation such as yours where I only spoke to my father once or twice a year, however, I have 4 siblings who spoke to him on a weekly basis. My father moved to his native country after my mother had passed away and then remarried, so I contribute the distance as a primary factor for us not speaking as often as I would have liked. However, there were events in our lives that also took place where we disagreed upon, and as soon as his new wife made this discovery, she practically closed the door (and phone calls) on me. After several years had gone by, I realized that I could no longer take the pain of not being or even speaking with my father. It was so painful that I needed to make a very personal (and courageous) decision. I was not childish by no means, in fact mature beyond my years and deeply spiritual. I knew that much about myself and if anything, being the spiritual loving woman that I was and still am, this would allow me to open my heart to forgiveness and surrender. Its a 'personal choice' at best. You have to be able to do that for yourself and for the sake of your relationship with your father. Nobody else can do that for you. When you realize this or 'get there', you will know what I am talking about when I say surrender. Once you face the truth about things and accept the facts of what is really going on behind why you and your father are not speaking on more frequent terms, you will then be able (if you CHOOSE to) to forgive wholeheartedly, and rebuild a new loving and wholesome friendship with your father. Put away all of your biases and emotional anger ... learn to forgive yourself first so that you can forgive and love him (and others too). Holding on to bitterness or resentments from the past can only hold you back. Father's do not hold the key to all of the answers in life, and neither do mothers. I don't know why some adults believe this, but they do not. Many years ago, I came to terms with what was going on between my father and I. And the instant that I realized this, I also realized just how much he truly loved me. It took a few years after that before I could write him a heart to heart letter, but I did. I didn't blame him for anything or say mean things....I simply said I love you dad and I hope that you will be able to forgive me for any of the mistakes I've made in my life. I went on to say that this letter was long over due, but this was the moment that I had to simply say I'm sorry ... and I love you! My father did everything in his almighty power to hold back the tears as he said "there are no mistakes ... you are a beautiful woman and I love you too". No sooner than that ... did I catch a flight to go spend 3 weeks with him. Forgiving myself and letting go of the past was the greatest thing I ever did. My father calls me frequently and on a bi-monthly basis just to tell me he loves me and that he is thinking of me, and I do the same. I cannot imagine going a single month without speaking to him. I feel sorrow in my heart when I hear of people who waist precious years being selfish, bitter and self-centered. Stop waisting time ... start doing the work ... pick up the phone and call your father TODAY ... even if it is just to say hi...I love you! You may NEVER have the chance again, as tomorrow is not promised to any of us! God bless both of you!
|
WRONG
flag post
You are wasting time that you'll never get back again.
Posted By: Yeah-right
Explain My Vote
You say he hasn't called in over a year, but that he does call on Christmas and birthdays - which is it? On my calender, that would make at least two days of a normal year. That's more than I get to speak with my dad, because he isn't around to speak with anymore.
Your posting portrays you as a self-centered, bratty child. You're going to stick to what you think is right come hell or high water. Have you ever considered that maybe he can't afford to call? Or that he might work odd hours at a crappy job and by the time he gets in, you're probably fast asleep, etc.?
If you don't grow up and act like an adult, then I can tell you that before you know it, your dad will be gone forever and you'll regret all the chances and times you COULD have connected with him. But you were too busy, "being right".
The world doesn't revolve around you, and sometimes it has a habit of falling hard on those you could be loving instead...They might appreciate a call but won't make it themselves if they think it'll just intrude on your busy life.
|
WRONG
flag post
Call him.
Posted By: Dawn
Explain My Vote
My parents never call me or my sisters. We always have to call them. We know that they love us so who cares? Little things like who calls who shouldn't matter. I can relate on the forgetting of birthdays too. Mine falls at a busy time of the year for my mom so consequently it has been forgotten by my parents several times. Tell him that it bothers you and then just try to remember all of the things he has done for you (positive and negative) so that your memories will reassure you that you love him and he loves you and this stuff doesn't really matter.
|
WRONG
flag post
Do what feels right...
Posted By: me
Explain My Vote
Do you miss him? Then tell him... you never know when there might not be another chance... don't let your fear paralize you... if you love someone tell them, who knows maybe he is scared too...
|
WRONG
flag post
THERE IS NO RIGHT OR WRONG
Posted By: PAPA BEAR
Explain My Vote
I can sense that you love your PAPA. I am certain ures to you PAPAhe loves you always. What happens in some cases, especially divorce, is that the involved parties feel a great deal of stress. Does he still love me? I've lost my princess! and so on. PAPA's are human. They make misstakes. They feel hurt and love all at the same time much like yourself. Not being near you could mean a great many failures to your dad. Call your Dad and tell him that you miss him and that you want him to be part of your everyday life but would be willing to get a call once in awhile. And PAPA call your daughter and tell her that it is painful that you are parted or that you want to be partof her life. Divorces happen but it is how we deal with after divorce that changes the world. Lets make that a positive change. Give your DAD my regards.
|
WRONG
flag post
You should call.
Posted By: KMB
Explain My Vote
Clearly it bugs you that you are communicating with your Dad, so bite the bullet and call. Don't let him off the hook for not calling; let him know that it hurt your feelings (if it didn't you wouldn't have posted this quarrel) and let him know what type of relationship you would like from him. He probably has a very different view of the situation and is equally hurt/bothered by it.
I would call right away too. Time with people that are important to us is never something you should take for granted.
|
WRONG
flag post
be the better person
Posted By: nona
Explain My Vote
call him. as often as you feel fit. without expectations
be the better person
note, you only have one father - ever
ps - mine died a few years ago and I wish I could do somethings differently
|
RIGHT
flag post
Yes he should call
Posted By: mary
Explain My Vote
No Comment
|
RIGHT
flag post
Nope
Posted By: Stacy
Explain My Vote
he should call you. 100% yes
|
|
|
