56% Agree this poster is RIGHT | 1740 Views
Should I leave my wife if she does not give me sex?
Posted By: Pat
Category: General
FIGHT DETAIL
Well here goes, I married my sexy wife, we married in summer of 2000 having a daughter together in late 99. She is 9 yrs young now, we have a almost 2 yr young daughter too. My wife is 34, I am 42 she is Leo I'm Taurus.
The sex....! There isn't much of it now, HECK I've had more sex when I was single in my worse times being on house arrest, I'm a bit of a male slut, good looking never had problems meeting women. Use to have my pick and still can, but that's another story. I have many times usually the one to give her kisses and hugs, not looking to get it on there and then but simple affection, not really ever doing this on her own? Tell her she is beautiful, look great and sexy when we have date nights, playful slaps on her but, massage her back and feet when she asks. When we do have sex I am usually the one who has to ask over and over lets have sex when she will finally what to she will say yes as if I am giving her a chore afterwords or during she will say how we need to have more sex. I calmly say I come on to you all of the time when kids are asleep or not home whatever she has kicked me in bed elbows me tells me she is tired, get away or its not the right time I have heard all kinds of excuses and have gotten rejected time and time again. By the way I had a affair earlier this year when she found out she was all over me she didn't care or have one dam excuse every night for a week.
I thought about having getting some on the side but do not want to do that. Help anyone?
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get it on the side.
Posted By: lu ee
Explain My Vote
If she won't put out, find it somewhere else. Maybe she already did!
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Complex, but fundamental
Posted By: Stab
Explain My Vote
These situations are complex, but they are also fundamental. Too many responses here reflect people's baggage at home. Let's get down to the tacks of it:
- A marriage is a social and financial contract, morality doesn't enter into it, but the expectations and boundaries set by it do.
- Sex and marriage are not inseparably intertwined, the only do so by the "expectations and boundaries" mentioned above.
Then I add an assertion (it can't be proven, so it's not a fact, but most might tend to agree with this assertion): The purpose to life is to obtain a state of happiness.
So you need to ask yourself if you're happy. Doesn't sound like you are, and sounds like this issue is at the core of it. Coming back to my points then, it'd be a good time to separate the issues of marriage and sex and have an objective conversation with your wife. Be clear about the problems and seek understanding of the "expectations and boundaries" of your social contract.
You may find out that she really doesn't care about sex in all ways, including wanting to assert boundaries around having sex outside of marriage without lying and deception. If that's not outside her boundaries, then that might be your long-term answer (don't let others here project their values on your relationship, if it's okay with both of you, then it's okay - period.) If talking about it objectively establishes that, regardless of cause, extramarital sex is outside the boundaries of your social contract, then you know all you need to.
If you establish those clear boundaries, and you see no way to both be happy and stay inside them, then you have a simple choice to make... Leave for the chance at happiness later, or stay with the expectation you will continue to feel this way for the foreseeable future.
Staying and violating those boundaries of your marriage should be a sign to more people that maybe that isn't a contract you'd sign again if given the chance. Thankfully, we have a way to get out of that contract, and that is through divorce.
You only live once, I'd suggest you enjoy the short time you have and not waste it waffling. Get to the brass tacks of the boundaries and how you feel about your prospects for happiness once you understand them, then be decisive and execute on what you learn!
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RIGHT
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Complex, but fundamental
Posted By: Stab
Explain My Vote
These situations are complex, but they are also fundamental. Too many responses here reflect people's baggage at home. Let's get down to the tacks of it:
- A marriage is a social and financial contract, morality doesn't enter into it, but the expectations and boundaries set by it do.
- Sex and marriage are not inseparably intertwined, the only do so by the "expectations and boundaries" mentioned above.
Then I add an assertion (it can't be proven, so it's not a fact, but most might tend to agree with this assertion): The purpose to life is to obtain a state of happiness.
So you need to ask yourself if you're happy. Doesn't sound like you are, and sounds like this issue is at the core of it. Coming back to my points then, it'd be a good time to separate the issues of marriage and sex and have an objective conversation with your wife. Be clear about the problems and seek understanding of the "expectations and boundaries" of your social contract.
You may find out that she really doesn't care about sex in all ways, including wanting to assert boundaries around having sex outside of marriage without lying and deception. If that's not outside her boundaries, then that might be your long-term answer (don't let others here project their values on your relationship, if it's okay with both of you, then it's okay - period.) If talking about it objectively establishes that, regardless of cause, extramarital sex is outside the boundaries of your social contract, then you know all you need to.
If you establish those clear boundaries, and you see no way to both be happy and stay inside them, then you have a simple choice to make... Leave for the chance at happiness later, or stay with the expectation you will continue to feel this way for the foreseeable future.
Staying and violating those boundaries of your marriage should be a sign to more people that maybe that isn't a contract you'd sign again if given the chance. Thankfully, we have a way to get out of that contract, and that is through divorce.
You only live once, I'd suggest you enjoy the short time you have and not waste it waffling. Get to the brass tacks of the boundaries and how you feel about your prospects for happiness once you understand them, then be decisive and execute on what you learn!
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Skip butt slapping and vacuum instead
Posted By: Ishy
Explain My Vote
My hubby would get nowhere slapping my butt. However, he looks utterly sexy when he vacuums. I always wish he'd do it shirtless because that would be the ultimate sexy - even moreso than when he cooks or takes out the garbage. That's pretty sexy too though, and it will make her feel really special and treasured if you tell her she should not have to take out the garbage because it's too dirty and heavy. She's much to precious to you to have to do such a nasty job so you will do it. And then you need to actually do it. Or tell her to go and relax while you clear the tanle after dinner.
Women know men will say all kinds of stuff to get us into bed and while some of it is nice, it's just words. Do things that make life easier for her and that makes her feel valued and treasured, that's much sexier than any of your words or self-professed good looks.
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Counselling NOW!
Posted By: Expat
Explain My Vote
Your wife may be depressed. See about some counselling or meds. You must work this out.
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Gotta have it
Posted By: WastedWit
Explain My Vote
Sex is like the glue that keeps the foundation together.
You gotta have it or the foundation will crumble.
I was in a 7 yr. relationship with a gorgeous woman who
would put me off for months at a time.I even tried to
get her to go to counseling with me.She said we didn't
need it and everything was fine. One night I just got
in my truckand drove away.I found out 6 mos. later
she was a cheat and a liar. Look deeper the truth is always there.
All you have to do is look for it
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Keep your wife if you love her and find a girlfriend
Posted By: Victoria
Explain My Vote
I am in the same situation but i am a woman, my husband is pretty much the same way. it has been like this for years (5 to be exact) and we have been married for 8, but i love him so much. he is my everything, just not sex wise. ive asked him many times if its me and if i need to lose weight or change something about me to fix it. (im 5,10 175lb very athletic, fully tattooed) he says no, im perfect for him. we maybe have sex once or twice a month. i have men all the time trying to get to me and i normally shoot them down (i cant just go out and have sex with someone i dont know so one night stands are out) i have had affairs with men that i know and have gotten to know over the last 5 years, its happened 3 times and i fully enjoyed myself. he never found out and will never find out. i also sleep with woman quite regularly and i tell him and he plays it off like im joking. im just pretty much at my wits end too. i find my self flirting with men all the time even in front of him and he plays it off, tells me "i dont care what you do as long as you come home with me every night" so my advice to you would be, if you really love her and your children and want to keep your family together like i do, find some one you can be with on the side. sex is a huge thing and we all need it!
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Talk to Her without Threatening Her
Posted By: PaPaBear
Explain My Vote
Tell her how you feel without being accusing or threatening. Explain that you love her, love having sex with her, but that you need to have the sex. Talk about opening up your relationship but reassuring her that it is for sex only.
She might be grateful not to have sex as often as you would like. Maybe you should suggest a threesome. Maybe this would peak her interest. Bottom line is that sex should not be an incentive to leave your lover, ther are other ways to resolve this problem. Talk it out.
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An affair is best
Posted By: susan
Explain My Vote
you can keep begging and not getting it. YOur wife will feel harassed. The point is she does not want to have sex for whatever reason.
You shold have a fuck buddy so you are happy and your wife will be happy too because there will me not as much demand to have sex.
Get a fuck buddy and there will be 4 happy people
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Wrong
Posted By: rt
Explain My Vote
I suggest couples counseling.
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Leave her
Posted By: Marl
Explain My Vote
Come on no loving the n its time to step on.
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umm lets see
Posted By: I don't know your wife but you sound like a jerk to me
Explain My Vote
I don't know your wife, that is correct but I have four questions. Do you love your wife? Do you care about your wife? Do you like your wife? Do you help your wife with the kids and around the house? Sorry to say, but you sound very selfish if you ask me. Have you tried helping her around the house? Have you asked her how she is doing, if there is anything you can do to make her life better, happier, EASIER? Nothing says I love you more to a woman then helping out, considering the fact that we are emotional creatures. Its not about the things you do to help her per say, its more about what it signifies. It signifies the fact that that you care about her and want her to not have to spend her whole life cleaning the house, taking the kids to school/practices, helping them with their homework, making their lunches, going to work, tending to her husband (no offense to men but sometimes it can be like having another child to clean up after if he doesn't help out around the house or do his fair share). After time this is mentally and emotionally draining, and the last thing a woman wants to do then is have sex, especially with someone that doesn't seem to give a damn about her needs, just his own. Marriage counseling is a very good idea. Do you guys ever go out on a date night? I’ve heard it said many times that both the helping out around the house and having a date night at least once a week very good for a marriage, and is a sure fire way for a woman to be IN THE MOOD. Good luck to both of you.
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leaver her
Posted By: Johnny
Explain My Vote
Just give it to her straight. Tell her that you're gonna leave her if there isn't a good sex life going on for the two of you. A successful marriage needs healthy sexual relations frequently enough to please both parties.
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hmmm
Posted By: Lily
Explain My Vote
Why don't you try treating your wife with the same respect you'd want a man to have with your daughter?
What would you tell your daughter in the future if she found herself in the same position your wife is in?
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Get help
Posted By: LB
Explain My Vote
Marriage counseling is something to consider and so is some sex education. Sounds like all the focus of sex is on you. You want it, you want to get laid, but are you really satisfying your wife? Do you give her an orgasm every time? Do you perform oral sex? Can you ever have sex without having an orgasm every time yourself? Do you really know her G-spot, the things that make her melt, how to get her comfortable and relaxed so that she doesn't feel pressured?
So many men may love their wives and have good intentions, but aren't willing to expand their palate, learn new ways to please their women.
Also your affair has definitely broken the trust in your marriage. Get help or get out, but don't cheat again and make sure that your child comes first if you do decide to split up. Good luck!
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Counseling
Posted By: elmo
Explain My Vote
You and you wife need marriage counseling, not some one night stand. Women usually don't feel like having sex when they don't feel as good about the relationship anymore.
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