83% Agree this poster is RIGHT | 413 Views
The New Boyfriend is a racist, Time to Move On.
Posted By: Naropa
Category: General
FIGHT DETAIL
2 years ago, I met a lady friend (when she was 27) years ago. We canoed, hiked and camped together. Last year it rained a lot and she brought her new Beau a lot. He was moody and distant often. I told her he was there for the green card (immigration). Surely enough one year later they broke up. but they have to live together so he can get his papers. :( She is was there for me when I had dating issues.
She invited me to her Polish - Canadian family (1st and 2nd generation but they speak Polish at home mostly) for holiday dinner, and other things.
I told her a few times I liked her but she said I was just a "friend". Okay fine I said we can do things together. told her about being Veggie but she says she likes meet even if she is a good dog trainer.
Now she got a new boyfriend ( i have gone through 3 already with her :( ) whom I met for the 1st time. They met dancing in January and now they're dating. At her Birthday party, he started making jokes about Arabs being terrorists , making lots of machine gun noises. ( Most in the room are from Quebec and France, but never make these jokes. In fact, we have done camping together).They laughed. Then, it was Italians are Mafia. Laughter, but not from me.
It was her Birthday and I just got a new camera so I took lots of pictures FOR her. the Cake, the food, the dogs, the group.
I am Asian, so then he asked " Why do Asians take so many pictures?" This is the second time a French Quebecker asked me this (once 3 years ago). Since they were all laughing. So I got upset. I made a joke," Why do Quebeckers like Heavy Fries? (Poutine with gravy and cheese curds).
He said he was trying to understand. "Where do you Asians put all those pictures?"
I'm Asian but I came here when I was 8. I said that to him.
Soon, they sang Happy Birthday and I went back to studying.
Later, she said that I was too sensitive and he wanted to know more about cultures. By law, I'm entitled to a written apology. (Mind you I was offended by the Muslim and Italian jokes too). I asked for an apology by the new boyfriend but there was no reply. She said he was trying to earn about cultures. I said lets take a break for a month.
I sent a lot of links about Polish jokes, discrimination of women in the workplace. but to no avail. ( 3 emails and to her cousin who also feels I'm over-reacting).
Her response for far: She sent me her 2 pieces of junk mail about dog training on her facebook. (she just joined 6 months ago). I don't have a dog.
I love canoe, camping etc... She knows a lot of places and loves nature as I do.
but is this friendship over? I cannot camp, canoe with racist comments about any group. it's an upsetting situation. These days, I get upset Now when I read very sexist comments online. (it ok raping drunk women etc... pedophilia is okay etc...) I realize women are the butt of jokes a lot too. I can see guys can be butts of jokes too. That's for sure.
I offered to see someone else about this. Another friend, she said No, I said a therapist, she said yes. But I think forget it, it's time to move on.
Thank you!
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RIGHT
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Posted By: xzkshswcvx
Explain My Vote
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WRONG
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Two things...
Posted By: Your Angel
Explain My Vote
1) She is never going to get past the friend zone with you....you are looking for more and hanging on to get it...stop it. You are only hurting yourself. Then you are blaming her (indirectly) for her not wanting to be more than a friend.
2) You are way too sensitive. Joking about peoples differences is usually how people deal with sensitive topics...Islam/radical Muslims are a very sensitive topic these days. The Asians taking pictures thing...I think you may be taking that comment a little personal because you like her so much and this guy is competition to you.
I have a large group of friends from all walks of life and we joke about our differences all the time. If you are not able to handle that type of humor or it offends you, and obviously it does then perhaps you need to find a new group of friends that have more of your type of personality and friendship style. These are mostly her friends right?
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RIGHT
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She's just another loser...
Posted By: Yeah-right
Explain My Vote
...and in more ways than one. Leave her to it. Obviously if her famliy found all the racist comments so hilarious, they're also a bunch of low-brows anyway. So the new boyfriend fits right in.
Her reaction to you indicates she is probably the same way - when you aren't around, that is. She was never a true friend. Just another time-waster who found you to tide her over between her own kind - which would be ignorant racists.
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RIGHT
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Would you be ok with it?
Posted By: Ishy
Explain My Vote
Would you be ok if the situation was reversed and she was with you and your family and friends and they started saying stupid things like that? Probabaly not. Real friends don't acceppt that kind of treatment of their friends. Since she thought it was ok, she's obviously not a real friend. You can do better than her.
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RIGHT
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Stop Trying So Hard
Posted By: PaPaBear
Explain My Vote
It doesn't appear that she is looking for a person that is sensitive to the cultures of other people. Asking why Asians take so many pictures is a racist remark. Answer: they want to have lots of memories to look back on when they return home. What an idiot he is..and by the way..so is she. MOVE ON..she is getting too much of your attention and time.
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RIGHT
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YES
Posted By: Sal
Explain My Vote
you need to move on.
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