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My Fat Spouse
Posted By: Matilda Tuesday
Category: Relationship Issue
FIGHT DETAIL
I'm so fed up and I need a place to vent. Hubby and I have been married for nearly 3 years. He was a healthy weight while dating, but has since gained over 60 lbs. I don't want to sound totally callous, but I am not attracted to him physically anymore. In fact, at times I am seriously repulsed by him. His large belly hangs over his belt about 2 inches or more (depending on the sitting or standing position) and sometimes you can see it below his shirt line. He knows he needs to lose weight, but always makes excuse for why he's not exercising. Lately, for sex, I need a lot of encouragement and he gets mad at me for that. He thinks I should be automatically turned on when he's ready to go. I just don't have the heart to tell him that I'm not attracted anymore. My lack of orgasm has everything to do with his weight (his stomach simply gets in the way and there's padding where there wasn't before). I am terribly resentful towards him and I hate feeling this way. I'm sure he hates his weight gain, too - yet does very little, if nothing to fix it. Other than this problem, he is a good husband who I love very much. I am 8 years younger than him and in very good shape (being a runner). But he is nearly 40 yrs old and I'm worried that he will never be able to get back to where he was. Am I going to be stuck with an inactive, obese man for the rest of my life?
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Its your fault (possibly)
Posted By: Jay who just lost 80 ponds
Explain My Vote
Whose been feeding him since marriage? you have! You can run and stay fit and be disgusted by him but you cant investigate changing his diet? wtf
we are what we eat
In eight months i lost 80 pounds, 40 of it from my stomach..how?
RAW FOOD DIET meat one meal a week..zero working out ZERO (im 30)
if your fat your out of balance, fresh garden salads and wraps and eggs everyday will return you to balance. (not to mention my new diet costs 55 dollars a month)
why do we keep food cold, so it doesn't rot, why do we fucking heat it up essentially rotting it before eating? cause we are stupid.
You had better stay and fix him, cause if your doing the cooking its your fault bitch..try working out with him, bring him jogging..
why do i have to walk your hand out of the stupidity villa
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it;s ok
Posted By: jrw 01
Explain My Vote
It's OK to be old fat and crabby, but not when it involves another person.
If you're a behavioral-management specialist and want to turn your
relationship temporarily from boyfriend-and-girlfriend to patient and
therapist and save the relationship yourself, then OK.
Otherwise if he's that ungrateful what you do around the house, then
before you call Adult Protective Services or Elder and Disability (Fat)
Services so they can come in and cook, clean and perform all his other
daily maintenance duties, drop me a line.
If it's your house, throw him my way. If it's his house, leave.
I grew up with all fat uncles that treated my aunts just like that.
I move in with em or they move in with me and a year later they're back
to being human again.
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yes!
Posted By: lu ee
Explain My Vote
buy a vibrator. get some excitement in there. If you love him, make him run with you. Or just run away without him!
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My fat spouse
Posted By: BNSN
Explain My Vote
Tell himt he truth and then come up with a plan that you are willing to do with him to give him motivation. Dont make this just about him, make it about YOU BOTH as a couple. A promise to keep each other going and be work out partners committed to living a more healthy lifestyle. With your help and encouragement I am sure you will get somewhere!
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My Fat Spouse
Posted By: Sally O'Mally
Explain My Vote
I'm in the almost exact same position - I'm not married to my fella; and this is, without question, the reason I won't commit to him. The thought of his obesity never going away, him getting older and more and more unfit, probably (high probability) get diabetes, heart problems, fatty liver, shortened life span etc etc etc
We've been together 3 years and he wasn't this size a few years prior (I met him on-line so the photos of him showed a lovely chunky chap; not obese). I adored him when we met (SUCH a nice man) however, I anticipated that there might be a problem in the future if he didn't lose weight (he's 22 stone) - so I told him his weight loss would be the difference between us being a couple or not. He firmly promised he'd address it seriously, and we became a couple. He hasn't. And 3 years has elapsed and I am at a loss.
It just seems so unfair doesn't it, that you keep yourself looking good, you don't give him the worries re the future (ie, morbidity) that he gives you.
I guess you, like me, have tried doing all of the above advice? Soft approach, hard approach, exercising with him (I'm also a runner), we've bought bikes together (he's stopped using it over a year ago), I've done on-line weightwatchers with him - I ended up writing on the ww forum on his behalf and he'd get on and just have banter with everyone! ... never addressing the issue! It is so frustrating. I tried 'starving him out' by witholding sex (so I had to suffer also) but it only drove a wedge and made me sad as sad can be. I've tried shock tactics by telling him (yes, it's bloody hard to do) that I am no longer attracted to him naked, I've told him he'd possibly die if he had to have emergency surgery...... am I too horrible? I never used to be .... it's made me not very pleasant at times
Sadly, just into our 3rd year, last week, I've run out of love. And I've called time on the relationship. You are married which does change things. Don't let the rot set in, don't start to become horrible because it's a tragedy to become like that, don't become resentful. I suggest that you show him all of these answers and the penny may well drop for him ....
I reach out to you and I wish you masses of luck hen xx
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Yeah He's Big
Posted By: John
Explain My Vote
He can't expect you to be physically attracted to him when he's let himself go like that. Of course you should still love him for the person he is, but it's his responsibility as well to stay in shape so that you're also happy. I think the best thing you can do is really push him into losing weight and getting in shape because not only will you be happier, but he will as well because a fit person is a happy person. But don't leave him either for something like this if you truly love him
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Yeah He's Big
Posted By: John
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He can't expect you to be physically attracted to him when he's let himself go like that. Of course you should still love him for the person he is, but it's his responsibility as well to stay in shape so that you're also happy. I think the best thing you can do is really push him into losing weight and getting in shape because not only will you be happier, but he will as well because a fit person is a happy person. But don't leave him either for something like this if you truly love him
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Careful!
Posted By:
Explain My Vote
1. He should try harder to 'get you in the mood' and not assume that if he's ready you're ready.
2. Personal trainer?
3. Approach this from a health perspective, emphasize that you're really worried about his health and it makes you sad to think that because of his eating and exercise habits, he may leave you widowed much earlier than you would like.
4. Involve him in your good habits. Eat together, develop a workout plan that you both can share in, go to some healthy cooking classes.
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Yes and No
Posted By: OtherIssues
Explain My Vote
I'm on the fence here. You are right to have a problem with this situation, but there's almost certainly something underneath the surface here. There's a reason why he won't exercise. Could be lots of things - he could feel unworthy, he could think that it's overwhelming, or that your opinion will stay the same whether he loses the weight or not. In any case, you need to find out what the underlying issue(s) is/are, and help him deal with that. Once he's happier with himself, feels better about himself, and most importantly, loves himself, then he'll care about himself enough to want to lose the weight and be healthier.
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Yes and No
Posted By: MoreThanMeetsTheEye
Explain My Vote
I'm on the fence here. You are right to have a problem with this situation, but there's almost certainly something underneath the surface here. There's a reason why he won't exercise. Could be lots of things - he could feel unworthy, he could think that it's overwhelming, or that your opinion will stay the same whether he loses the weight or not. In any case, you need to find out what the underlying issue(s) is/are, and help him deal with that. Once he's happier with himself, feels better about himself, and most importantly, loves himself, then he'll care about himself enough to want to lose the weight and be healthier.
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Be honest
Posted By: Ishy
Explain My Vote
Be honest with him. Tell him you are not attracted to him physically but make sure he knows you still love him for the person he is. Be kind about it but honest. Otherwise he feels frustrated and has to guess why you don't seem to want sex anymore. And you know what kinds of crazy thoughts we get when we lay awake wondering over stuff like that. I'm not saying it won't hurt his feelings but at least he will know.
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Just
Posted By: David
Explain My Vote
get a fling that will fix it
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I agree
Posted By: satisfy You
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I am a male and my wife is the same way. Believe me when I say I understand.
Good luck. I hope you do better that I did.
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Communicate
Posted By: Bobbyg
Explain My Vote
Sit him down and tell him you love him. Let him know his weigh has created a problem for you and you want to help him overcome this health issue.
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Tell him to hit the gym
Posted By: Josh
Explain My Vote
I mean all guys can just hit the gym and shed some pounds pretty easily.
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jumped in too soon
Posted By: wondering the same thing
Explain My Vote
I don't really believe it's a right or wrong here. I think you have to realize the romance is over and the love must begin. He is obviously depressed and overwhelmed by something in life. It will take a while for him to cope and change. In fact he may never change. No amount of your being 'right' will change anything. You need to support his feeling of being lost and unable to change. He, of course, needs counseling to understand what is happening. Maybe some marriage counseling will help. I wish the best for both of you.
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You have the perfect ammo
Posted By:
Explain My Vote
Stop having sex til his lazy ass starts shedding the pounds. He makes excuses for being lazy and you reward him with sex. And if you don't tell him now - it'll just harbor more ill will as you both get older. If anything, offer to work out with him - to show how supportive you are. Cuz if he is fat now, all he will do as he ages and keeps making excuses is get fatter and live a shorter life.
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You have the perfect ammo
Posted By:
Explain My Vote
Stop having sex til his lazy ass starts shedding the pounds. He makes excuses for being lazy and you reward him with sex. And if you don't tell him now - it'll just harbor more ill will as you both get older. If anything, offer to work out with him - to show how supportive you are. Cuz if he is fat now, all he will do as he ages and keeps making excuses is get fatter and live a shorter life.
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Its time to leave him
Posted By: Mark
Explain My Vote
Tell him to shape up or ship out
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I really feel for you
Posted By: Janet
Explain My Vote
I think you are right. he needs to get into shape. I had this happen with a guy I dated and frankly i had to end it. but being married you face allot harder choice. Anyways sorry i do not have better advice.
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